you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
