never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my being single is dangerous.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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