a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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