doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
