I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
