dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
