come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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