I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
