i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
