just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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