Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
