Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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