The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
