So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
