whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
