All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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