just tell him i said nine months
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
