I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
