i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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