I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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