ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
