I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
