You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
