Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
