Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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