your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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