walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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