well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
