I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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