Only a mothe r could love this liver
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
