Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
