too bad you live with your parents still
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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