btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
