just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
