I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
