Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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