It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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