Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
