He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
