weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
