I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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