goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
