Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
