I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
