Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
