I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
