I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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