we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
