I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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