So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
