I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
