exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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