I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
