your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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