my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
